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Ryan Kerrigan’s Movember Progress Report

Posted by Gabe Hiatt on November 14, 2013 – 11:55 am


Be patient, Ryan.

These things (manly growths) take time. Two weeks into Movember, Ryan Kerrigan‘s mustache is where he thought it would be.

“I’d say it’s pretty on par with me, which is crappy,” he said. “It’s dirty looking, just how I’m anticipating.”

Mustache Grade: D + / C – for effort. Kerrigan’s ‘stache is slightly denser than a few specks of sand, slightly less full than chocolate pudding film.

The road ahead: Long and arduous phases of development.

For some perspective, let’s examine where Kerrigan wants to be.

The linebacker said he has two mustache role models.

AP on TV-Tom Selleck


Tom Selleck’s Upper Lip Forest: Go ahead, get lost below Selleck’s nose for a moment. This lush pelt is at home hosting a tuxedo party or surfing the waves of the Pacific.



Mustache Grade: A+ Magnum. There should be a bust of Selleck’s mustache in the Hollywood branch of the facial hair hall of fame.

The road ahead: Continued years of bushy excellence.



Burt Reynolds’ Hairy Handelbar: This fur is a timeless classic. It can drive a horse or a Trans Am with equal dexterity.



Mustache Grade: A + Bandit. Without it, Reynolds is in for all sorts of country trouble.

The Road Ahead: Animated.


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