I will give you one guess how this one ends.
Anyhow, once I got over being completely and utterly dumbfounded that Santana Moss is a fan of Gossip Girl, the conversation moved on to his other favorite TV genre: reality shows. It would’ve been easy enough to let the subject drop, but in honor of the season premieres of Top Chef (which I watch) and Project Runway (which I don’t) — along with the fascinating experiment in psychological torture that is this season of Big Brother — I figured I’d press for some details.
“I’m a fan of a lot of reality shows for sure, man,” Moss said. “I also watch the E! Channel a lot. I watch the Kardashian show, I used to watch the Girls Next Door show. I watch all that crazy stuff, man. It’s just reality TV, you know? It’s stuff that’s going on right now and that — you can tell some of it they’re probably acting on certain parts, but some it’s just their life, you know? Their reality. So I be tuning in to see what’s going on with them.”
So the obvious question, when an NFL wide receiver tells you he’s a fan of reality shows, is: have you ever considered getting one of your own?
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it a lot,” Moss told me. “Me and my friends, we’re always talking about it. We kid around that people would probably be amazed to see what we do every day, and it’s something I might wanna push one day. But right now, I’m just … I’m private, but I know some of the stuff I do in the open, I wouldn’t mind sharing with people, ’cause it’s always fun. I get up every day and it’s like an adventure with me when it comes to the offseason. I just have so much fun amongst just the people that I hang with. We could be doin’ nothing, but still having a great time. So I think that my reality show, if I had one, would just be the life of me off the field.”
This was clearly a subject that he had put a great deal of thought into, and he continued.
“Basically some of the things I’ve got going on, some of the people that I take care of, some of the people that I’m always reaching out to,” Moss said. “And just keeping the businesses goin’, you know? You really don’t know what we do outside of football. I mean, you look at T.O., his show‘s really just showing him getting ready for the next season and stuff like that. Mine’d be more on what I’m focusing on when I leave the football field, and trying to have my time. It’s almost like another job, ’cause you have your family, people you want to look after like friends, important people in your life…. So you’re always reaching out and doing something, and then you have other businesses or other investments that you’re into, and you’re always going to see about them or just keeping tabs on what’s going on next. So I think mine’d be pretty interesting.”
If not you, though, then who? Who else on the team could sustain a reality show?
“I say [Clinton] Portis. I think his reality show, you wouldn’t wanna even see it,” Moss said. “I mean, you’d want to see it but he wouldn’t want to show nobody. He’d wanna keep it to himself. His lifestyle is very interesting.”
Portis, for his part, had some different ideas. “[Fred] Smoot. I think he’s just a funny person. I think definitely Smoot.” But, I said, Santana suggested you. “I think mine’d be pretty good,” Portis said, “but I’d definitely incorporate Smoot in mine if I had one. Best of both worlds.”
Portis was not the only one thinking along these lines.
“Smoot,” Reed Doughty suggested without hesitating. “He’s so quick-witted, his life IS a reality show. He doesn’t plan anything he says, and he’s actually really funny and smart. See, some people tell jokes. Fred doesn’t. That’s his life. He reacts, and he’s very quick. I’m not gonna say he’s a genius or anything, but he knows a lot about a lot of things.”
Albert Haynesworth needed a little clarification first: who should have a reality show, he said, “depends on what you’re talking about.” For maximum watchability? “Probably that dude right there on the phone,” he said, pointing. “Smoot.”
So I waited for Smoot to finish the phone interview he was conducting and told him that he was far and away the leading vote-getter among his teammates for who should have a reality show.
“Yeah, I should,” he said.
And what would such a show be about? “Just me. Just all about me. Just the Smoot Show. Just follow me, and it’ll be full of excitement, full of comedy, sense of humor. I think I’m just a good person, brighten a lot of people’s day. Yeah, I think I could be the one to have one, and do it effortlessly.”
Would the focus of the show be football? “I’d do everything. I’d talk about everything from football to politics to just regular everyday life to — well, whatever the conversation is, I’ve usually got something to say about it.”
All right. And if it wasn’t going to be you, which of your teammates should have a show? “Devin Thomas. ‘Cause he’s gonna be straight comedy. He’s an idiot.”
(I pointed out to Smoot that this was the second time he had called Thomas an idiot to me while on the record, and he shrugged. “He’s my boy, man, but he’s an idiot.”)
Tags: Clinton Portis, ClintonPortis, Fred Smoot, FredSmoot, Media, Santana Moss, SantanaMoss
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